Swiping for Love and/or a Dream Apartment in NYC
Many of us Sex and the City enthusiasts know the famous quote, “In New York, you’re either looking for a job, a boyfriend, or an apartment.” Since the revolutionary wave of “online dating” with apps like Bumble and Tinder, we all know how easy it has been to swipe for love during the pandemic. In comparison, apps like Zillow have also had growing popularity, as many of us either felt trapped in our current spaces, moved back in with family, or just felt a rising addiction in shopping for homes online. Yes, I said addiction. In fact, Saturday Night Live created an unbelievably relatable parody about the popular home buying app, Zillow. Quoted by the Today Show to be “ show's 'best, most accurate' commercial spoof ever”, the skit showcases middle aged users exploring their fantasies for OTHER people’s homes.
This blog is a small abode to how swiping for love and an apartment in NYC are so ironically similar. Finding an apartment is sort of like finding a soul mate. There are a number of characteristics you should identify and look for coming out of such an “isolated 2020”. Much to my surprise, you’ll have better luck when choosing for those four walls to call “home” with the over supply of apartments on the market these days, as opposed to a date! Believe me, I’ve been there.
Let’s face it, who you’re with and the environment you create in your apartment both have a drastic influence on our lives. Our space or our partner can inspire us OR drag us down. Let’s dive in deeper....
1. CULTURE: the customs, arts, social institutions, and achievements of a particular nation, people, or other social group.
Whether it’s finding a partner or an apartment, you should outline WHAT culture to you. Is getting to know your neighbors? Perhaps, indulging on a certain type of cuisine that makes you feel nostalgic about family dinners, or past memories? Culture can be an art form of the way we choose to live, and every neighborhood has a culture it can encompass. Secret NY’s Article “What Your Neighborhood Says About You” quoted some fantastic definitions and identity markers on different neighborhoods like the following:
FiDi: You prefer your days to be crazy and your nights to be mellow.
Chelsea: Statistically, you’re probably gay.
Washington Heights: Could you possibly be any more dull?
Harlem: You’re a Renaissance man/woman, or you’re a TFA Corps member.
LES: You’re a starving artist but you’re too proud to move to Brooklyn.
Flatbush: You’re a starving artist who resigned to your fate of moving to Brooklyn.
Long Island City: You’re an artist who’s doing slightly better than starving.
If you had to define your ideal neighborhood’s culture in a sentence, how creative could you get to convey. IT? West Village: You have an affinity for esthetically charming spaces, small quarters are cozy not scary to you, and you value the walkability towards all small businesses and neighborhood amenities.
Now, if you had to identify the type of Culture in a Partner you seek, it gets a bit tricky. Religion, Language, Cuisine, Values, and more all add to a person’s identity. In defining more about yourself and your neighborhood, eventually you’ll find a match!
2. VALUE - Know your budget, know your own (self) worth.
Let’s be honest with ourselves when it comes to budget. You don’t want to waste precious time browsing $3MM properties when all you can afford is $600,000. Don’t let the price tag discourage your ambition, you’ll get there one day but being realistic and true to what you can afford and how you can make that home more valuable is key. The same goes for dating; know what value you bring to a partner and be realistic with what you can accomplish together. Education levels or life experiences can differentiate one person from motivating you to dragging you down. Remember, if they are not adding value, then it’s time to move on. ( Also check my blog - How joining two adjacent apartments can add value!)
3. TIME - Sacrifice It or Move On
Holding an apartment or investment typically means you’re hedging against inflation, or letting the property appreciate towards a hotter market. The same can be true when holding onto a partner. Maybe the space ( or guy) you got involved with was a “fixer-upper”. Perhaps painting, millwork, artwork, and staging are all odd jobs you can do to spruce up an apartment, before cashing in and selling in a hotter market. Perhaps, sacrificing the time to learn from and maybe teach him (how to use aftershave- ahem), will pay off in the future. Consider the upside in rubbing off on him . I’m sure he will “ appreciate” all that you have to share. See what I did there? 😉 You should consider the upside to selling in an apartment in a hotter market as well as upside to growing together as a couple. Remember this all takes TIME. so you’ll have to be willing to sacrifice it. Remember, just like an apartment, if the roof is caving in the floors of this pre-war gem are completely unbalanced beyond repair - maybe you should walk away from investing the time into it (or him).
4. IMAGINATION - Nobody is perfect, but what is your vision?
You can’t expect a stressed our millennial to have the candor and masculinity of a well seasoned baby boomer. Nor can an apartment in estate sale condition be expected to blow you off your feet when you open the door. Sometimes the smells of an uninhabited apartment may blow you away, but that’s another characteristic we won’t mention. You have to have a VISION of what space or person you’re trying to attrac. WHAT are your top qualities or characteristics in a home? Write them down and pin it to your fridge. You need to be reminded of your vision in order to manifest it and not get distracted or discouraged by all the options out there. Things like, “ must allow for a washer/dryer, must have large windows, and must have maintenance under $X, can all narrow in on the space that is meant to be for you. Perhaps characteristics like “ must pay for the first date, know how to tie a bowtie, and speak Italian” are on your radar. Hey! In dating and apartment shopping, you just simply can’t have it all - but it you can get darn close to it, DIVE IN and make it happen!
Just like a best friend who would advise you against a relationship or suitor that is just “wrong for you”, I hope to guide you towards the same in regards to the right home for you. If you liked this blog, or find it witty reach out and share your thoughts with me.
PS - Can someone please reassure me I am NOT Donna from the SNL Skit?!